The power of embracing bold action

When I first created a LinkedIn account in around 2016, I remember feeling so much anxiety because it felt like I wasn’t doing anything in my life.

I was lost on what to add to my profile, I was comparing myself constantly to other people, and I didn't get a lot of responses when sending out connection requests.

Studying Economics and Accounting, I felt a pressure to find a summer internship or anything that I could do that would help me to land a secure role by the time I graduated.

At the time, I was only applying for a few roles, I let rejection get the best of me, and I felt completely helpless.

The reality was that I forgot who I was.

I was the person that when rejected initially from the university, decided to call back and happened to speak to someone else who ended up granting me the place. I was the person who decided to take the whole of the Economics A Level in 1 year to bring my grade up from a D to a B.

From traveling, meeting new people, and connecting with myself again, it took a while to slip out of the mindset that kept me being a victim.

I’m all about building an opportunity mindset, which is essentially all about being proactive and using creative strategies to create or land opportunities.

When it came to applying for roles in tough economic times a.k.a. when I was switching careers over the pandemic, I knew I had to do something different compared to other people.

Whether that was creating a CV that stood out, applying for mentorship schemes, reaching out and building a network of people in tech online (seeing as IRL events were no longer a thing), teaching women how to code through Code First Girls, and sharing about my journey on LinkedIn.

I loved seeing people take creative ways to stand out, like the college student Emily Vu, who created a CV that looked like Spotify then landed the role.

Am I saying to do the same thing to land your dream role? Not necessarily, but think about the opportunities that you want and how you can stand out, or someone you can reach out to.

I’m all about creating your own opportunities - when I figured I didn’t have many speaking gigs in February, I decided I’d just run my own virtually. When I applied for roles, I reached out directly to the recruiters to maximise my chances to progress to the next stage.

I don’t want to be a hustle culture advocate, I’m definitely not that. I can’t say I show up at every moment and in every element of my life with this mindset - that simply is not true. That being said, I give myself the grace to develop and grow in whatever stage I’m at.

However, I don’t do it all alone. I’m very thankful to have people around me that support me - most notably friends, family, mentors, colleagues, and communities.

There was a lot of work surrounding how to initially tackle my fear of failure, rejection, and feeling inadequate.

If you want a deep dive into this, come to my FREE online event happening on Tuesday 27th February at 6:30pm!

It's all about building an opportunity mindset, and creating doors inside of walls - sign up here: https://lu.ma/m95mfskp

The power of kindness as a motivational force

“Anyone else feel like they need to learn how to use compassion to drive your motivation rather then just sheer spite”

I recently delivered my first online webinar of the year all about fearless goal setting and this comment got me thinking about how we speak to ourselves.

A few years ago, I received advice to speak to myself with the same compassion and understanding that I would to my best friend. This felt pretty profound because I wasn’t aware of just how brutal my inner critic was.

If I made a mistake, I would rip into myself about how I should know better, how stupid I was, and feel awful. It was literally just like this:

However, I’m here to encourage you to practice some self-compassion. According to self-compassion.org, self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.  Self-compassionate people recognise that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals.

“That is what compassion does. It challenges our assumptions, our sense of self-limitation, worthlessness, of not having a place in the world, our feelings of loneliness and estrangement. These are narrow, constrictive states of mind. As we develop compassion, our hearts open.” —Sharon Salzberg

Self-compassion involves treating ourselves kindly, like we would a close friend we care about. Kindness is more than just a fleeting gesture; it's a powerful force for positive change. It makes a massive difference in how we feel about ourselves, how we collaborate with others, and even brings a sense of belonging. 

How do you feel at work when a colleague gives you a simple act of encouragement, or gives you great feedback, or just shares a kind word? Most likely you’ll feel motivated, engaged, but most importantly, valued. 

Feeling seen, heard, and appreciated generates a powerful sense of motivation to reciprocate those feelings. In workplaces where kindness is embedded in the culture, employees are not just motivated by deadlines and achievements; we are motivated by the shared goal of creating a supportive and harmonious community.

Beyond the workplace, kindness has the potential to ignite personal motivation and growth. When faced with challenges or setbacks, receiving a kind word or gesture can provide the encouragement needed to keep going, especially with the support of others. 

According to The School of Kindness, acts of kindness are often accompanied by a feeling of emotional warmth which in turn produces the hormone oxytocin in your body. Oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide, which expands our blood vessels, reduces blood pressure and protects our heart.

Kindness doesn't have to be grand or extravagant; its strength lies in its simplicity. This journey takes time, and I’m very fortunate to have supportive and kind friends, family, and colleagues that lift me up when I’m feeling down.

It’s so important to lean into support, especially when you’re the person that people tend to go to when they need a pick me up - you can’t pour from an empty cup.

How to recognise and celebrate your wins for the year

It’s out with the old and in with the new. But before we close off the year, let’s make time to reflect on 2023 and celebrate the learnings, lessons, and experiences.

No matter how the year went for you, taking time to reflect on the past year will be pivotal in helping you walk into the 2024 “new year, new me” season with a newfound sense of direction, clarity, and mindset.

Time for a warm introduction into my SLAY framework to reflect and recognise your wins for the year!

S - Self-reflection

The ultimate way you can genuinely celebrate yourself for this year is through self reflection. My favourite resource for this is the Year Compass.

I encourage you to ask yourself questions for the year, such as:

• What are you most proud of?

• Who are the three people that influenced you the most?

• Who are the three people you felt the most supported by?

• What is the best thing you discovered about yourself?

• What has been your best investment?

• What things did you not enjoy doing?

• What are you most grateful for?

L - Learning mindset

I’m sure you learned something during the year - whether that was from a positive, negative, or neutral experience.

I’ve been obsessed with the idea of transitioning from being a “know-it-all” to becoming a “learn-it-all”, which is something that I learned from the Squiggly Careers podcast. With tools like ChatGPT and the internet (shout out to all the hate Gen Z was getting for using TikTok as a search engine), it’s impossible to know everything!

A video I love by Will Smith is where he speaks about failing early, failing often, and failing forward, with the main idea being that successful people fail all the time but they extract all the learning lessons from that failure to get to the next phase of success.

There’s a strength in being able to ask for help. I want to emphasise that you don’t have to do this journey alone. Even to write this blog, I made a post on Instagram asking for proofreaders because I felt rusty getting back into writing. A huge thank you to everyone who volunteered their time and corrected my grammar mistakes (if you, the reader, spot any more mistakes - I officially take no responsibility!).

Finding your community is key for your growth and ability to move forward, but it starts with being vulnerable and safe enough to reach out when you really need it.

A - Appreciate the small wins

Admittedly, I can be pretty hard on myself. I recently came across the term “loss aversion”, which is described as feeling more pain from loss than pleasure from gain. I was like “Damn, sometimes this is so me.” I find myself focusing more on all the things that didn’t go that well or as planned instead of also weighing up all the times things have gone better than expected or well.

I still need to check in with myself and make sure that I genuinely am celebrating the small wins and taking time to recognise that it’s totally normal to have ebbs and flows in life.

Finding out what works for YOU is key! Whenever I’m overthinking, I feel like my problems can fill the entire room I’m in. Whenever I catch myself doing this, I go outside and my problems feel relatively smaller in comparison to how massive the world is, and getting out into nature helps to calm me down and give me some perspective.

Whether it’s getting into nature, journaling, meditating, doing an activity to help you to appreciate the journey, it’s completely individual to you. I’m constantly experimenting with what works for me, and I make sure to write what works down so I can refer to it whenever I’m in a slump.

Another way I recommend celebrating small wins is to document it - check out my free wins tracker on Notion.

Y - Yes, you can rest!

I’m doing my best to move away from indulging in unhealthy hustle culture, and instead prioritising wellbeing while making progress towards my goals. When we feel like we’re behind, it can be harder for us to say no to things that aren’t serving us and to take an actual break from things.

We are human beings, not human doings. So often, we act as if we are machines and put pressure on ourselves to be productive all the time - but that simply is not realistic. We all have our high and low energy days. Some days you may feel energetic, ready to go, and focus mode at level 1,000. However, we also have days where it feels hard to get out of bed, demotivated, and just feeling absolutely knackered.

I find that during the last few weeks of the year, it’s so important to give yourself space and take a step back. The last thing we need when we’re feeling low is the pressure to be at level 1,000 once it strikes 1st January.

Not all progress needs to wait until January and you don’t have to ramp up during this time either. Remember, these things are completely up to you, and to check in on yourself to understand what you have the capacity for.

Rest is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

Happy holidays folks!!

Attending re:Invent in Las Vegas with the All Builders Welcome Grant

To say that I am beyond grateful to have been awarded the AWS All Builders Welcome Grant is an understatement. Being flown out to Las Vegas and having both the accommodation and conference ticket covered to learn all about AWS and Generative AI is something I could have only dreamed about.

The grant bridges the gap between the status quo and the future of cloud by elevating marginalised voices, magnifying innovative contributions, and building an environment where we see underrepresented groups included in tech.

Participants have access to five days of re:Invent content and activities as well as a curated program designed to remove barriers and create opportunities for learning, career growth, and community building, including a welcome event, reserved seating in the keynotes, meetups, a mentoring luncheon with AWS leadership, and much more.

A huge shout out to the STEM Babe for posting about this opportunity!

The ABW grant fostered a great sense of belonging for me. It was a bit daunting going into this not knowing anyone AND being so far from home (with an 8 hour time difference on top of that, yes the jet lag was real).

Walking around the venues, I would spot fellow grantees by our iconic and exclusive bags and badges and whenever I striked up a conversation, it was met with openness and it was amazing to learn more about them and what they’ll be getting up to during the conference.

All Builders Grant badge

We also had a Slack channel which was a great place to keep up to date with where people were going, cool things to check out at the Expo, and to meet and connect with others on the grant.

I was very fortunate enough to meet some amazing ladies on the first day of the conference and we continued to meet throughout the week:

I’ll be honest, I have NEVER been to any conference of this magnitude before. There were over 5 venues where the talks where being held and a shuttle bus that helped us to get around. You can imagine how many things I ended up missing due to clashes, and having to choose between leaving early to some talks or being late to get to another.

It was overwhelming, I may or may not have been running around like a headless chicken, but having people around to help made all the difference. Every corner you’d turn, they would be someone in a yellow top to ask a question to to get some help with directions and insights into when the shuttles were going to leave.

I saw some of the most entertaining stands at the expo - raffles where people would win things such as airpods, kindles, PS5 etc. Also TONNES of swag, food, beverages, loads of opportunities to learn about sponsors of the event. One even had their own signature Elvis Presley - he was iconic!!

To my utter surprise, there were a lot of opportunities to play some games. Whether that was the vintage-styled arcade games, arts and crafts, or driving simulation - there were a whole lot of different things to keep people entertained across the venues.

Speaking of entertainment, we have got to talk about the parties! We had the All Builders Welcome Reception at TAO and let’s just say it was pure vibes and energy. They played a mix of afrobeats, hip hop, and more with some fun songs in there too. This was hands down my favourite night of the experience.

We also had re:Play which had Major Lazer bringing the energy to close the conference in the night!

Ok enough about the parties, they also provided some plenty of other opportunities for us to connect - we had a mentoring luncheon where we had an AWS mentor and sponsor on each table. The food was incredible and the conversations we had were even better.

I have to say, it felt pretty VIP to have our own dedicated room for those on the grant program. It was the place to connect and attend our exclusive sessions which included sessions such as a day in the life panel, the importance of emotional intelligence, how generative AI is being used at AWS and AWS CloudUp for Her Panel.

I learned about the various programs that AWS has to offer such as She Builds, how generative AI is changing the future of work and how we must consider using it ethically (plus the introduction to Amazon Q as new type of generative AI assistant specifically for work - cool but also scary), plus I learned a lot about the different projects that various teams have been working on.

It was sad when it came to the end, it was weird saying goodbyes. We had the closing reception where we were joined by AWS CEO, Adam Selipsky, and he shared a few words about what diversity means to him and the journey he has been on to learn more about it. This was followed by a pass the mic round where people shared how their experience was at the conference with some insights into their own personal stories.

If it wasn’t already abundantly clear - I had the time of my life! Lots of new learnings and connections. I’m so thankful for the AWS team for putting on this showstopper of an event.

Is social media making you feel worse?

We don’t speak about the impact that social media has on our self-esteem enough. With a majority of us using social media on a daily basis, and studies showing that Gen Z and Millennials spend an average of three hours a day on it - let’s talk about it.

On a conscious level, I’m sure most of us agree that social media tends to present a perfectly curated collection of highlights of someone’s life, and it isn't totally reflective of that person’s reality. However, when we are in the moment, mindlessly scrolling through, it’s easy to take it for face value. Comparison can set in and we may start to feel envious or dissatisfied with our own lives.

This is especially true when going through a tough time. When I was struggling at university, there was a time when I didn’t think I would graduate. I saw people on LinkedIn in their graduation pictures and it filled me with anxiety. I had panic attacks that I wouldn’t graduate and what that would mean for my future. To me, it seemed everyone else was smart enough and capable of graduating, why wasn’t I good enough to? The anxiety became so bad that I decided to temporarily delete LinkedIn and other socials.

I often have similar conversations with my friends about how social media makes us feel like we have to do extra things outside of work to be successful, to look a certain way, and to have a problem-free life. It adds a whole new pressure when we feel like “everyone” else is doing so amazing and we aren’t, sometimes we’re just about able to do the basics, the bare minimum.

Have you heard of the toxic productivity trap? Toxic positivity is the false belief that our self-worth is measured by our productivity. This puts pressure on us to constantly be productive and is a one-way ticket to burnout! Been there, done that - still in burnout recovery (I’ll write about this in another newsletter article).

It also links to the concept of toxic positivity. According to verywellmind, toxic positivity takes positive thinking to an overgeneralised extreme. This attitude doesn't just stress the importance of optimism—it also minimises and even denies any trace of human emotions not strictly happy or positive.

When we see other people’s lives that appear to be perfect, it can put pressure on us to also have a perfect life. It’s an unfair comparison, the reality is - shit happens!

If social media is making you feel bad about yourself, I’d encourage you to limit the time you spend on it, utilise the mute or unfollow button, and focus on content that uplifts and resonates with you. Most importantly, take time to check in with yourself and connect with loved ones outside of the digital realm.

I’m here to encourage you to practice some self-compassion. According to self-compassion.org, self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism. Self-compassionate people recognise that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals.

It’s important that you work out for yourself what content you find inspiring, enjoyable or funny, rather than what just makes you feel worse about yourself.

Comparison is similar to driving a car on a motorway and you’re looking left and right at other people’s journeys, what car they have, how fast they are going, what route they’re taking etc. Eventually, you’ll crash, it’s so important to focus on your own journey.

The more conversations you have with people about this, the more you’ll realise that you’re not alone in feeling the pressure of social media. I’d love to know your thoughts, what’s your relationship like with social media?

Why you shouldn’t wait until you overcome the fear of failure

The belief that we need to overcome the fear of failure to achieve our goals is a common misconception. The reality is that fear is an inevitable part of the human experience, especially when we are challenging ourselves and stepping out of our comfort zones. 

Let’s shift the narrative to embrace fear, acknowledge its presence, and take action despite it. 

In this newsletter, we'll explore the power of acknowledging and facing fears while pursuing our aspirations, understanding the importance of self-validation, and the journey toward embracing our authentic selves.

Fear is a natural response when venturing into the unknown and pushing our boundaries. Whether it's the fear of judgment, embarrassment, or failure, we’re not alone in experiencing these emotions. Understanding that fear is a universal part of the growth process can help us feel more grounded and less isolated in our journey.

Often, the fear of judgment stems from seeking external validation and approval. We have been conditioned to value the opinions of others since childhood. However, it's essential to recognise that our worth and value do not solely depend on external validation.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally have been there myself. The fear of judgement that believed would come from failure used to hold me back and I often still fear it. I was constantly wondering how people managed to take up space and put themselves out there without caring what other people said about them. Fears I had surrounded what other people would think, what if what I put out to the world was cringe, and how will I deal with the embarrassment if I fail in such a public way?

I recently was on TikTok and a woman was speaking about shifting to intrinsic motivations and it was brilliant. According to Frontiers, when we are intrinsically motivated, a person is moved to act for the fun or challenge entailed rather than because of external products, pressures, or rewards. What a game changer. 

Reflecting on our core motivations, our "why," is a powerful tool in navigating fear. When we align ourselves with our true purpose and passion, the opinions of others become less significant. Remind yourself of the positive impact you seek to make in the world, whether it's empowering others or pursuing personal growth - it’s personal to you as an individual.

To my fellow perfections, you may not like hearing it, but overcoming the fear of failure often involves embracing imperfection. Yes, as Hannah Montana says, “everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days” - and she’s right. Setbacks are a natural part of ANY journey. By accepting that not everything will go smoothly, we free ourselves from the unrealistic burden of perfectionism!

Stepping out of your comfort zone may lead to unexpected rewards. As you take the initial leap and put yourself out there, be open to feedback. Positive responses from others can be incredibly encouraging and affirming. Embrace the growth that comes from facing your fears and receiving constructive feedback.

Finally, I also want to address that embracing fear can be an empowering experience. Realising that you can take action despite fear allows you to reclaim control over your decisions and actions. Fear becomes a catalyst for growth and a stepping stone toward self-empowerment.

Seek validation from within, reconnect with your purpose, and celebrate every step of your journey, no matter how small. By doing so, you'll find yourself living a more authentic and fulfilling life.

I’d highly recommend watching this video by Caroline Winkler on external validation: https://youtu.be/hALZgrRR51M

Let me know your thoughts on this newsletter and the video!!! It’s a good one!!

Three lessons on taking action from the Super Mario Bros. movie

Fun fact everyone, I love watching films and grabbing learning lessons from them, and watching this year’s Super Mario Bros film, it covered a great deal about taking strides toward your goal. 

“You’re a joke and you always will be” these are the exact words that Mario’s former boss told him at a time when he released a brand new advertisement with his brother Luigi on the plumbing business they’re starting together.

Soon after this though, to their absolute joy - they land their very first client! Eager to do a great job, they wizz over there, but unfortunately (no spoilers), it doesn’t quite work out as expected.

You see them both depleted from the event, then to rub salt into the wound, when they join their family at the dinner table, the discussion centered around why they left their steady job for some “crazy dream”.

Mario seems sick and tired of feeling so small and is deflated that people keep saying they can’t do stuff. 

During this moment of sadness, the TV comes on that Brooklyn is in trouble and he jumps at the opportunity to save it and brings his brother with him - this is where the adventure begins.

What are the key things I gathered from the film though?

1. Being mission-driven/knowing your why

It’s clear from even the advert they produced that their mission was to save their city, Brooklyn. No matter how tough things got, as soon as the concept of saving Brooklyn was presented to both Mario and Luigi, it drove them to take action. It lifted Mario out of his sad mood at the beginning of the film, and at the end of the film, just when Mario is about to give up, the advert he created with Luigi appears which glitches to them saying they’re going to save Brooklyn. This causes him to get up and eventually defeat the enemy with Luigi by his side.

2. Using failures as learning opportunities

One thing about stepping out of your comfort zone and taking on a new challenge is that failing at whatever degree is inevitable. I loved the scene where Mario is doing a training course (pictured) on the condition that if he manages to finish the course, then he can go to rescue his brother with Princess Peach. 

Initially overconfident, he fails straight away - but that doesn’t stop him. You see that he does this course continuously, and as time goes on, he learns how to pass parts of the course from where he previously failed from it. It was a great visual way to see how he used his failures as his greatest learning lesson. 

3. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway

A recurring message that is said to Mario throughout the film is that he doesn’t know when to quit. You can see at points in the film that he’s scared when he’s taking action - he just doesn’t let that stop him. He fully embraces the concept of feeling the fear and doing it anyway especially with his “why” at the forefront of his mind which is to find his brother Luigi.

Yes, I'm always talking about this - and for good reason. It can be so much easy to wait until you feel good or ready to take action toward goals - but you'll be waiting forever.

So of course, that leads me nicely to the fact I'm doing an online webinar called Start Before You're Ready on Tuesday 25th July 6:30-7:30 BST. Come and join in on the learning lessons and sign up: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/start-before-youre-ready-tickets-675793906767

Mindset shifts to take action on your goals + my first online event 🎉

I was recently introduced to the concept of the Region-Beta Paradox, which is a phenomenon that suggests that things need to get bad enough before you’re forced to take action. 

For example, you could be in a job or career that you’re not entirely happy with because it doesn’t bring you much fulfillment, but you figure that your manager isn’t too bad, and your colleagues are friendly - so the situation is essentially passable enough for you to stay where you are.

However, if you were in that same job, but your manager was toxic, you didn’t get on colleagues - essentially a worse situation, you’d be more likely to take the action to leave your role. 

My take is that you don't have to wait until things get extremely bad to make strides toward your goals!

Here are two mindset shifts to take the next level to start to build a life you truly want and achieve your goals:

There's too much to do and I don't know where to start -> What's the smallest step that can bring me to my goal?

My friend was recently struggling because she wants to do 1:1 sessions with people to help them with the branding of their online presence but was overwhelmed at the thought of having to create a website, pages on social media for branding, then logistics of how to set it all up in the best way possible. 

She was feeling like she had to take so many steps to make her dream a reality. We spoke and I asked her what is the *smallest* step she could take that could lead to the most impact, and it was simply a case of her making a Calendly link (takes 2 mins), then her posting about her services in the form of a LinkedIn post which would take her around 10 minutes. 

I'm too scared to make the change, so it means I can't do it -> The step I am about to take scares me, and I can feel the fear and do it anyway

I’m all about feeling the fear and doing it anyway - I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to wait until you feel GREAT to take action.

You’ll find a lot of professionals still get nervous, feel anxious, and may doubt themselves when they have done the task many times before - yet they still take action. I love to think about the singers who are so nervous before they get up on stage even though they have done it 100s of times - yet they do it anyway! 

I was so nervous to start my own online event, my heart was literally beating out of my chest when I was writing my caption on Instagram to post about it, and that didn’t stop me from taking action to do it. 

SPEAKING OF - come to the event!!!

Next Tuesday I’ll be hosting the “Start before you’re ready” online event which is perfect for anyone who has been holding back on a dream or idea and needs a push to take that first step towards making it a reality. You can sign up here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/start-before-youre-ready-tickets-657438856317?aff=oddtdtcreator

It's time to own your wins

We've had a revamp! Previously titled "Imposter Methods", the newsletter is now called Own Your Wins because that's exactly what my mission is.

Too often I see incredibly talented women doubt themselves, experience imposter syndrome, and not truly believing just how incredible they are.

It's a journey, it's work, but I'm dedicated to providing and creating the resources to get you there.

I reflect often on my personal journey with this a lot, and trust me, feeling like the most confident, bad ass, empowered version of myself isn't a constant feeling - it comes in waves, I'm human.

There was a time where I struggled greatly with imposter syndrome and didn't have the word to match with my internalised feelings. I was struggling with my perfectionism so much, yet at the time, even though I was burnt out to the very core, figured I needed to keep going and eventually I'd feel "good enough".

I felt behind in life and that I was playing catch up with those around me who all seemed to have it together. I was tunnel visioned on what I thought success looked like, and to me, it meant having a "proper" job and earning loads of money.

You can imagine how I felt with these beliefs and graduating during the pandemic where it felt like all my opportunities were at a standstill. Hiring freezes, job losses, economic uncertainty. It was bleak.

Instead of choosing to focus on what did I have, I focused on all the things I didn't and questioned myself constantly.

On top of that, I was changing careers and learning how to code which was TOUGH. That being said, I leaned into an incredible network of people who helped me to reach my career goal of becoming a Software Engineer.

I thought all my insecurities about not feeling enough would disappear as soon as I landed the role, but it didn't - it persisted.

All the time and effort spent into chasing my idea of success meant that I wasn't creating as much time into other things that I really cared about, like friendships, my health, hobbies, and of course, travelling.

It took me a while to do the work to believe that I am enough for simply being me, without the need for a job title, money, or other external factors determining my worth and to own who I am and my wins.

I want all of you to feel empowered in who you are, take the steps to challenge limiting beliefs, cultivate a growth mindset, and of course, to own your wins.

I want you to feel the fear and do it anyway, create opportunities for yourself, take risks, and recognise your worth.

I want you to give yourself compassion on your down days, and take time to pour into yourself by resting.

We'll go on this journey together and I'm so excited about it.

You can catch me at the Triangirls event speaking about how to make realistic goals and stick to them on Thursday 26th January you can get tickets here.

Triangirls is a friendly community for women and non-binary folks working in tech with the aim to make Tech a more fair industry. 

Until next time,

Amber

Website | Podcast

Need a speaker? I'm available to be booked for events, conferences, and internal company talks about navigating imposter syndrome, overcoming the fear of failure and building a personal brand

P.S. I'm looking to start sharing your wins and experiences with imposter syndrome, if you'd like your story to be featured, you can fill out this form! 

How to set realistic goals

“New year, new me”

Yes, it’s that time of the year where we tend to reflect on our goals and what we want to achieve for the new year. If you’re anything like me, you may tend to have an overwhelming list of goals in a bid to overhaul your life and then progressively lose momentum as time goes on.

If you go too hard too soon with your goals, for example, setting out to work out intensely five times a week when you’ve barely been doing 500 steps a day for the past two months, you may find the initial jump too big and unsustainable, then give up. If we’re going to set goals, they can be challenging, but we need to make them achievable and break them down into smaller, more manageable steps.

Start with why

This phrase has been made famous by Simon Sinek, and he suggests that we should start with why we’re making an action, then how, then what. He talks about it in the context of business leaders, but it can also be applied to how we set our goals.

As an example, I may want to create a goal to start working out consistently, and my “why” is because I want to feel energised, clear headed and stronger. That leads me to “how”, which could be by starting to exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Finally, my “what” which could be strength training, yoga, and walks.

Also, knowing why you’ve set out your goal can help you to push on when things get tough. Being consistent, pushing yourself against limiting beliefs, and showing up is challenging. Remembering why you’re doing it in the first place can be the thing that keeps you going.

How to make your goals (or not)

There are a few different ways to create a goal. One way is a concept known as “SMART” goals which are: specific, manageable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.

1. Specific: This is all about addressing “what” you want to accomplish. For example, “I want to practice more mindfulness” is not specific, but “I want to meditate for five minutes for the next three months” is specific

3. Measurable: Being able to track your progress will be a key indicator of knowing that you have achieved your goal. For example, “I want to swim twenty-five metres in twenty seconds”.

5. Achievable: As we mentioned before, sometimes we want to run before we can walk. Sometimes setting a goal of being able to run a marathon in six weeks with no prior running experience is a stretch goal, but “I want to run a 5km in eight weeks” may be more achievable.

7. Relevant: Does your goal contribute to your values and wants? For example, setting out a goal to become the next professional swimmer, may not be relevant if you dislike the use of chemicals in pools or hate swimming.

9. Time-Bound: Set out a time frame to achieve your goal, such as “I want to save £500 a month for the next six months”.

However, from reading Atomic Habits by James Clear (as seen from the below excerpt), an interesting alternative emerges to the idea of setting goals. He argues that the results from his goal setting had less to do with the setting of the goal itself and more with the systems he followed. If you want to become a software engineer, your goal may be to learn how to code. Your system is testing how you best learn, practice, and build projects.

"The purpose of setting goals is to win the game. The purpose of building systems is to continue playing the game. True long-term thinking is goal-less thinking. It’s not about any single accomplishment. It is about the cycle of endless refinement and continuous improvement. Ultimately, it is your commitment to the process that will determine your progress."

Things aren’t black and white, and he isn’t saying that goals are completely useless. Instead, goals are a great way to set the direction to what you want to achieve, and systems are best for making progress and committing to the process.

Addressing fears when setting goals

Fear and self doubt have always been the greatest enemies of human potential.

- Brian Tracy

I’ve previously found myself not setting goals for things, in case I can’t fully commit, or because I figured I would feel bad about myself if I didn’t or couldn’t achieve it. I would protect myself from what seemed like inevitable disappointment, when the reality was that these doubts and fears were holding me back from living to my full potential.

If this sounds like something you are experiencing, it’s important to understand that these feelings are valid and it takes inner work to remove these fears and doubts that you may be experiencing. Some of the limiting beliefs may be easier to address and let go of, while some others may be more deep rooted that you potentially may not consciously know are there.

When you look at your goals and have decided that you’re willing and ready to commit to them, you need to be honest with yourself about the fears and doubts you may have about accomplishing said goals. Here are some questions that I tend to reflect on:

• Am I playing it safe with this goal, or should I be dreaming bigger?

• What impacts do I think this goal will have on me and the people around me? (Both the good and the bad things.)

• Do I believe am I worthy of it?

• Can I trust myself to stick with it?

These things take time to work through. The more you are aware of these thoughts, the more you’ll be able to challenge and manage them.

You can read the full article on the You Got This website, where I write about seeing it as a marathon not a sprint, the power of accountability and the five second rule.

Is your work environment causing your imposter syndrome?

The other day, my friend calls me up and tells me that she's experiencing imposter syndrome at work. So naturally, we dig deep together to understand what exactly is going on and she told me something interesting.

She said that her manager becomes frustrated and belittles her when she asks questions as if she should already know the answers that she seeks.

She describes him as condescending, and rude - notably when he said to her "no offence but why are you here" when she was in a meeting. On the whole, their communication has been a major issue.

The experience was causing her to question whether she's smart enough, and has led to her not asking questions or for help from her colleagues because it makes her feel more like a fraud.

Something that I am extremely conscious of, is the fact that imposter syndrome puts the blame on the individual.

This isn't necessarily a case where my friend is failing to internalise her own successes, she's actually in an environment where she is made to feel bad when seeking knowledge from her manager.

From reading, Stop telling women they have imposter syndrome, this particular quote stood out to me:

"Imposter syndrome directs our view toward fixing women at work instead of fixing the places where women work."

Now, I do try to keep things balanced here, I am not saying that it is *entirely* the work environment that is causing my friend to feel the way she does. These things are not black and white.

I didn't feel comfortable giving her advice like about developing a growth mindset when her manager is directly communicating to her in a way that makes her question her intelligence.

It's all well and good for her to take a step back, and write down her wins. However, I can guarantee that the feeling of empowerment from her wins will fade as soon as the manager belittles her again.

In these cases, the "best" methods are tricky.

Guess which type of imposter syndrome we will be covering today, it’s the one and only… soloist.

This type finds it incredibly challenging to ask for help as they believe that if they get help, their successes are not their own which plays into not being able to internalise them.

From these kind of experiences, people like my friend associates asking questions with experiencing a negative outcome/feeling, and reinforces that they aren't good enough.

Here are 4 pieces of advice, with three points being for the individual and one for the manager:

It's time for that honest conversation

To the person experiencing this, firstly, I'm sorry if this has happened to you/ is happening. It is challenging to deal with people who make you feel bad for seeking help, especially if you're new to the company or early on in your career.

If you're up for it, it's time to have that challenging conversation with the person that's doing this and explain that when they have said x, it has made you feel y and act like z.

I'm not saying this conversation is an easy one to have, but it is necessary. The person doing this to you may not even be aware that they're doing it and how it's impacting you and potentially your work.

Asking questions is key for your growth

Secondly, asking questions is key to understanding and for growth. If you're avoiding negative feelings associated with the response of asking questions, utilise other people around you too.

I'm not saying that you need to quit your role (straight away)

Looking at other teams or companies can be a great option for you if you want to move and work with different people, this is perfectly valid. If this is an option you're looking at, I'd recommend looking at your internal job boards, reaching out to hiring managers, and networking.

While you're looking for a move, you still need to navigate and survive in this environment. It isn't easy dealing with these kind of managers/colleagues and you'll come across these kind of people at various phases of your life and careers.

For the managers: creating a psychologically safe working environment

Managers creating an environment where employees feel safe to fail, contributes to innovation, retention of staff and more productive employees. I've written a blog post on the importance of psychological safety here

Being condescending towards members of your team doesn't create a psychologically safe environment, which is a key component to get the best from your colleagues

You can read "Why psychological safety at work matters and how to create it" by Dr. Jacinta Jiménez, PsyD

Is having imposter syndrome a good thing?

Some people may argue that having imposter syndrome is a good thing because it means you're stepping out of your comfort zone, and you're experiencing growth.

And I agree to a certain extent.

In cases where you’re pushing yourself out of your comfort zone - it’s normal to have some feelings that come from having imposter syndrome. At this point, it can be reframed as a positive sign that you’re challenging yourself and growing.

The reality is that you can't get the evidence that you're good at it before you start. For example, you can't say you're a good coder before you've taken a single lesson or written your first line of code.

And when it comes to that first lesson, and first few lessons, you can feel out of your comfort zone, doubt & anxiety may creep in, and you may believe that you are in fact an imposter because it's challenging.

Whereas the reality is that you are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, it's perfectly normal to initially struggle at first and continue to. Especially as a person working in tech, we are constantly learning, breaking things, and reading error messages.

I do want to be as balanced as possible, and I feel like I'm generally balanced right? ... RIGHT??!!!! Ok folks, I'm a work in progress - I'm trying.

The feelings & thoughts that arises from imposter syndrome can lead you to having a fear of failure.

Think of how many times you have intentionally avoided doing something because the fear of failure overwhelmed you.

Sometimes, we can avoid going after what we want & taking the steps to see it through because it's easier not to try than to try and fail.

In these situations, it can be more comfortable to stay in environments & situations that are familiar to us because it feels safe. So this, is when I cannot argue that imposter syndrome is a good thing.

Guess which type of imposter syndrome we will be covering today, it's the one and only... perfectionist.

It has been found that the perfectionist types of imposters set “excessively high, unrealistic goals and then experience self-defeating thoughts and behaviours when they can‟t reach those goals” (Kets de Vries, 2005).

It's important to note that there is a big difference between a healthy pursuit for excellence, and an unhealthy pursuit for perfection.

Perfectionists tend to discount positive feedback, because they think they could have done better to align with their excessively high standards.

Brene Brown describes perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: 

"If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimise the painful feelings of blame, judgement, and shame."

It will come as no surprise to those who know me well that I am a perfectionist. In the past (and still to this day but not as much), the perfectionistic tendency would lead me not only to procrastinate, but to not go after the things that I truly wanted to do.

I'd say things like, I'll start posting more on LinkedIn once I stop feeling so anxious about it, or I'll go to networking events once I feel "ready" for it.

On top of that, if I made a mistake e.g. when I was presenting and had a mind blank, I would start to think I was a complete failure, focusing on all the things I did wrong/badly and would wish the Earth would swallow me up.

I realised just how much other people's perception of me took a toll on my self esteem and mental health. Something that has personally helped me is to recognise that I don't know what someone is thinking of me.

For example, if I'm asked a question, and I don't manage to answer it to the high standards that I would have liked, I would assume that the person on the receiving end must think I'm not smart and an imposter.

Now, through time, I have learned not base my self worth on the approval of others. So instead of blaming myself and jumping to the conclusion that this person must think *all the worst things* about me, I am able to step back and recognise & appreciate that I am a work in progress, I cannot do everything perfectly and taking the opportunity to see a learning lesson in the experience.

To wrap up this article, let's talk about a three unhelpful thinking styles that are common in people with perfectionism:

To note before we delve in: I am not a trained or licensed therapist, I'm sharing things that I have found from research & thought I'd share it with you folks! Let's dive in...

Black and white thinking

This thinking style involves seeing only one extreme or the other, leaving no room for shades of grey. This may look like seeing yourself as a great success when things go well, or a huge failure when things may not be going quite how you planned.

Mental filter

This thinking style involves focusing on on part and ignoring the rest, usually by focusing on the negative parts of a situation and forgetting the positive parts.

For example, getting feedback from a manager and focusing on the one bit of critical feedback, rather than all the positive things.

Catastrophising

Catastrophising occurs when we think or anticipate that an event in our life is a complete disaster with devastating consequences.

For example, if you made one mistake on a presentation at work, believing that everyone will notice, and you'll be fired for it.

I had a feeling this one would be a long one, and I've actually tried to keep it sort. You can read more about unhelpful thinking patterns with some steps on how to help here

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one!

If you found it helpful, be sure to subscribe to the newsletter and send it to anyone you think would enjoy it too.

Until next time,

Amber

Website | Podcast

Are you a fast learner battling with imposter syndrome?

I wanted to start this one off by sharing one of my wins.

I did a talk called Navigating Imposter Syndrome in Tech for the London.js community at the Netflix UK office to over 100 people and it went incredibly well!

Ok, now to the juicy stuff.

This one is for all of my self proclaimed fast learners and those who strive to master a skill without having to put that much effort into it.

In this edition, we are unpacking an imposter syndrome type known as "the natural genius".

This type refers to those who often are seen as being good at things on their first try or with ease.

These individuals feel unworthy, guilty and shameful if they cannot easily complete a task or achieve a goal on their first go.

In school, these were the people who didn't put that much work into studying, but managed to still get great grades and be top in their class.

When transitioning from a relatively smaller environment such as school, to a larger one like university or the workplace, they realised that their natural ability isn't unique now they are surrounded by other exceptional people.

They tend to look at professionals in their field, and wonder why they aren't there and look to speed up the process to be like that professional.

Thus, bringing feelings of imposter syndrome by dismissing their own talents (usually as a result of comparison).

I was recently battling with this kind of imposter syndrome from working closely with the tech lead on my team.

Whilst being in awe of his ability to solve problems so quickly, and be super productive, I felt like I needed to be on his level.

And with my scrapping 1 year of commercial experience, with his (at least) 7 years+, I was comparing where I did not compete and I was holding myself to unreachable standards which diminished my confidence.

Experiencing this resulted in me finding it (and sometimes still finding it) difficult to ask questions when I'm stuck, asking questions in a public setting and also challenging to share how I feel with colleagues - all in fear that they will catch on to the fact that I am an imposter!

The main thing I personally have done is to raise my awareness of how I personally experience imposter syndrome - and it has helped me to pause, acknowledge my feelings, and reach out to someone else.

It's also why I started this newsletter, because I want to help others with understanding it and methods that will genuinely help.

I'll share with you, three resources for those battling with this type of imposter syndrome in the workplace:

1. See the value of being a learn-it-all: I was listening to the Squiggly Careers podcast and they said the most amazing quote I had come across:
   
   "The learn-it-all will always do better than the know-it-all" - Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft
   
   In the episode, they explore shift from being a know it all to now the emphasis on being a learn it all. You can read up more on it here
   
2. Support from a mentor - whether this is someone within your organisation or outside, it is essential to ask questions for your learning and development.
   
   I do also believe, the responsibility is shared between you and also your colleagues. Your more experienced colleagues also need to make an effort to reach out to you to check on how you're doing, if they can help, or even simply communicating the value of reaching out for support.
   
   So if you're reading this, please reach out and check in on your colleagues! I'll be doing a whole separate article on this.
   
3. Cultivating a growth mindset - a concept originally coined by Carol Dweck, a growth mindset is the idea that your abilities can be developed. People with this mindset don't worry about looking smart, but instead put more effort into getting smarter by taking on challenges and seeing them through. She has done a great talk on this at Google, you can watch that here

In future editions, we will be going in depth with all of these methods.

So, are you a fast learner battling with the "natural genius" type of imposter syndrome? I'd love to know your favourite tip out of the three I gave!

---

Until next time,

Amber

Website | Podcast

Is imposter syndrome causing you to overwork?

I want to start off by saying a massive thank you to all of you who have subscribed to this newsletter - I cannot believe there are already over 700 of you! 

It has been incredible to receive positive feedback on my first post where I speak about experiencing imposter syndrome as a woman in tech and it's given me the encouragement to keep up the momentum. 

Now that’s out of the way - let’s get into things!

I’ll start by defining what imposter “syndrome” is. 

Originally coined as  “the imposter phenomenon” by Dr Pauline Clance (1985) from her observations in a clinical setting, there seems to be varying definitions of what it actually means. 

The impostor “syndrome” refers to the notion that some individuals feel as if they ended up in esteemed roles and positions not because of their competencies, but because of some oversight or stroke of luck.

For simplicity, throughout the series of the Imposters Methods newsletter, I’ll be referring to this phenomenon as the commonly used term, imposter “syndrome”.

From Clance’s research, she observed six different characteristics of imposter syndrome and we will be covering them all in this newsletter. 

In this edition, we are covering the Superwoman/man type. 

This type refers to individuals often seen to be workaholics, with one of the driving forces being that they feel like an imposter so they work harder in order to feel like they measure up. 

They may be ones to be working longer hours, feeling stressed when not working, sacrificing hobbies and passion to prioritise work and feeling pressured to prove their worth to colleagues. 

I have certainly experienced this form of imposter syndrome. I remember when I landed an internship and I was ready, pumped, and rearing to make an impact. 

On my first day, it was abundantly clear that the person I was replacing was a high performer, well known in the company and delivered results.

It was intimidating.

I felt like not only did I need to measure up to the standard he set, but also I placed all my value on my ability to deliver, so I adopted an approach that led me to work at an unsustainable rate.

I exceeded expectations, I got the results, but I also set myself to unrealistically high standards and burnt out throughout the process.

Clance found that those who saw themselves as imposters often felt overwhelmed, disappointed, and overgeneralised themselves as failures when they were unable to reach their goals. 

The pressure I put on myself comes from various places, but one thing that plays in my mind was being told that I needed to work twice as hard to get half of what my white counterparts would get.

That, combined with not wanting to look like I was just a diversity hire, added to this feeling of being an imposter - even though I was known for delivering, was getting great feedback from my manager, I couldn’t help but think it was because I was overworking & due to luck. 

Here are 3 bits of advice I would give myself at that period of time:

1. Create your wins tracker - it can be so easy to have the wins, but then to not internalise them and pass it off as nothing. Unfortunately, because of that feeling of being an imposter, I didn’t have the confidence to ask for a salary that I felt I was worth and also felt like I hadn’t achieved enough to warrant it. But I had those wins, and a wins tracker to document all the things both big and small is a great way to start to build a case for yourself.
   
2. Assessing a sustainable rate of working - I was working at such a pace, that I was relieved that the internship was just 3 months. I would warn myself that working at such a rate, will go from being amazing, to a new standard, and when I started to work at a “normal” level, it can be seen as underperformance (but mostly, that health is a priority - I would have cared more about being seen as underperforming though). Take the time to find a level that works for you but also means you get your tasks done in a reasonable time, you should NOT feel too burned out to enjoy your weekend - you gotta live girl!
   
3. Not comparing where I don’t compete - I was comparing myself to those who had 5+ years of experience, and I barely had 2 months worth. I saw people eating lunch and working without taking a proper break so I thought I needed to do the same. I thought I had to be as good as my manager, but that is an unrealistic goal, I would read the room and consciously remind myself about my experience level compared to those I was working with. 
   
4. (BONUS): Remove work related things (Slack, access to emails, etc) on personal mobile phone!!!!

IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE: The thing about imposter syndrome, is that it puts all the blame on the individual. 

I would highly recommend reading “Stop telling women they have imposter syndrome”, the authors write that imposter syndrome puts the blame on individuals, without accounting for the historical and cultural contexts that are foundational to how it manifests in both women of colour and white women. 

I’ll be getting more into this in a few issues!

So the million dollar question, is imposter syndrome causing you to overwork?

Until next time,

Amber

Experiencing imposter syndrome as a woman in tech

I remember when I landed my first role as a Junior Software Engineer at a big American bank and I was so excited!

All the hard work had finally paid off, and I was genuinely proud of myself. From self teaching, leaning into various communities & mentors for support, to teaching other women how to code, I had invested a lot of time to make this dream a reality. 

So why did I start to think that they accidentally hired me, and had confused me with someone else? That they would realise they made this mistake and revoke the offer. 

Or perhaps, I got lucky with the people that interviewed me, and if I had a different interviewer, I probably wouldn’t have landed the role. 

This my friend, is the very definition of imposter syndrome. 

The impostor “syndrome” refers to the notion that some individuals feel as if they ended up in esteemed roles and positions not because of their competencies, but because of some oversight or stroke of luck.

I started to feel intense feelings of anxiety that I was lying to myself and others that I was going to start this role, and began  to imagine the embarrassment I’d face  when I had to tell people that the company did actually make a mistake and I was back to applying for jobs again. 

On a conscious level, I knew that I was probably being irrational, but emotionally, I struggled to shake off these feelings and thoughts. 

I figured that when I actually start the role, I’d start fresh and the imposter syndrome would also be out of the window too seeing as I will have actually started the role. 

I was wrong. 

It was there in full force, but with the message that I was actually an imposter and people would soon find out. 

I felt like seeing as I had taught others to code, and had put myself out there on LinkedIn in particular, that people would have high expectations of me and I was afraid of not living up to those standards. 

It was especially tough, as I started learning Java as part of my onboarding experience, and I was completely flustered and lost despite the support I was getting.

During this time, I won an award for the work I was doing in teaching women how to code and being active in tech communities, and I remember being at the awards event feeling like I did not deserve to be there.

I also felt like I couldn’t share it with people, because it didn’t make sense that I was winning awards but also struggling so much to learn Java and not picking it up as quickly as others. 

With time, I came to understand more about why I was experiencing these feelings, along with methods that have helped me (and continue to help me) as I navigate managing these feelings and thoughts.

In this bi-weekly newsletter, we will be going on a journey to equip you with the tools and knowledge to understand and overcome imposter syndrome.

We will be looking into various different studies surrounding the different characteristics of imposter syndrome,  and methods to kick imposter syndrome to the curb. 

Be sure to subscribe to the newsletter here.

Until next time, 

Amber

Being scared to fail: unpacking the importance of psychological safety

I'll start this one off by defining what psychological safety is.

Organisational behavioural scientist, Amy Edmondson, first introduced the construct of “team psychological safety” and defined it as "a belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes, and that the team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking".

Perfectionism

As a self confessed perfectionist, it can be challenging for me to accept that failure is part of the process and is inevitable.

I tend to hold myself to a high standard, and sometimes these standards are impossibly high. It leads me to panic at the thought of screwing up at work, and I start overthinking about how it can alter how others perceive me and the work that I do.

I used to think being a perfectionist was my superpower as it usually lead to high quality work. But the reality was that it also caused me a lot of anxiety, criticism, failure to internalise my success and also a tendency to overwork as I often felt like the things I produced weren't "good enough".

It wasn't until my Mum showed me this video, where Brene Brown says:

"Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of blame, judgement, and shame"

- Brene Brown

Damn. It was me in a nutsell.

Brown goes on to share that perfectionism is about trying to earn approval.

I am in SHOCK. It was me to the core and I had never realised this was my subconscious thoughts that I wasn't necessarily conscious aware of.

It explained why meetings with my managers to gauge what their thoughts were of my performance at work was so important to me. I needed constant reassurance that I was doing well, and any areas that I needed to improve on.

Early praise for achievement and performance has become a dangerous and debilitating belief system: “I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it, please, perform, perfect, prove.”

How psychological safety makes all the difference

Working as a Software Engineer, it is a career that involves a lot of learning - CONSTANTLY. It can feel like you're always a beginner at something, which can be daunting when you want to be an expert (because of the high standards you hold for yourself).

I used to be terrified of making deployments because my biggest fear was breaking production.

I remember I communicated this to a manager at my first role as a Junior Software Engineer, and I got the most helpful response.

He told me about a lot of incidents that he has successfully broke production/ created bugs in production, the fact that my team members have, and essentially to embrace the chaos.

Well not like that, but there will always be someone to help you out, and failing is part of the job.

This gave me a sense of relief, especially because it wasn't a blame like culture.

Plus, I was working in a team that was very supportive, understanding and patient with me. I'd sometimes request to have a second eyes to share my screen while I pushed to production, *just in case* I missed a step or did something wrong.

That helped with the transition of being panicked, to feeling reassured with someone else there to help if shit hit the fan, to then feeling confident making deployments on my own.

I'm very grateful to have had such a good experience with this in my first role, especially with the self-induced added pressure feeling the need to prove myself.

I have been speaking to other engineers about this, and some fears around breaking production come from working in a company that has a blame culture, with little room to see failure as part of the job and also a learning experience.

Managers creating an environment where employees feel safe to fail, contributes to innovation, retention of staff and more productive employees.

If you're reading this, and you're working at a company that leaves minimal room for failure, then please know it isn't YOU that is the problem - is the company that is the problem.

People cannot feel empowered to make decisions, perform, or take risks without employers creating a psychologically safe environment.

I have found that employers who have this kind of environment have a high turnover, demotivated staff, and lack of innovation.

If you personally are working in such an environment, if you can, I would recommend that you move teams (or move company!), communicate with your manager about how you're feeling and get an understanding if there's room for improvement, or speak with HR about concerns you're having.

Let me know your thoughts!

Mending my relationship with failure: how to overcome it

I'll start off with speaking about how I failed my way into tech. In 2018, I realised that I didn't want to pursue my dreams of working at a Big 4 firm in finance but instead I wanted to learn how to code and eventually become a software engineer.

I started with the Code First Girls Web Development course, and I have to say it didn't come naturally to me. Every week, we were asked questions about things we covered the week beforehand and I hardly ever knew the answer.

It was brand new to learn that it was so normal to break things and to get used to not only seeing error messages but using them as a tool to debug. This was definitely not encouraged in finance. I highly doubt they say, if you get the numbers a bit wrong, it's all good!

The experience allowed me to assess my relationship with failure, and how I let it dictate how I felt and the decisions it led me to make.

You can read more about my journey into learning how to code and landing my first software engineer role.

When you think about failure, how does that make you feel?

For me, it is:

• Panicked
• Embarrassment
• Low self-esteem
• Feeling like all eyes are on me and everyone can see how awful I am
• Low mood
• Fear
• Heightened levels of anxiety
• Demotivated
• Feelings of wanting to escape

The list could honestly go on.

The questions that have helped me through this

Failure is an inevitable part of life, and finally accepting this fact made me ask myself a few questions when I failed at something.

1. What can I learn from this failure? Knowing that everyone fails and that most people learn and grow from it.
2. Should I look at this as a failure or a learning experience?
3. What would have happened if I didn't fail?

Doing technical interviews coming from a non-technical background was extremely challenging. I had a nightmare interview where I thought I was going to be asked behavioral questions but it turned out to be a full-on live coding interview. I was completely unprepared and I needed guidance throughout - it was my first ever front-end interview and I didn't have a clue!!!

However, despite me screaming internally throughout the whole thing and strongly considering just turning off my wifi in an attempt to save me from embarrassment, I learned so much from that interview.

Instead of looking back on it as a complete and utter failure, I had a great learning opportunity which was an insight into how front-end interviews are conducted. At the time, I didn't know about the importance of being able to work with APIs and what kind of questions were asked for a front-end role.

I truly believe that everything that has worked out for me comes from so many things I have failed at. The question of what would have happened if I didn't fail helps me to recognise that my greatest lessons have come from failure. If I hadn't have failed the sales graduate roles applications, I may have never ended up in tech.

Bouncing back from failure

Do not get me wrong, this DOES NOT happen overnight. When I had that awful interview, I had the worst imposter syndrome, I started to think I wasn't good enough to land a front-end role, and that maybe I should give up on my pursuit in coding.

I truly believe that failure is not who you are, it is something that you experience. When I stopped attaching myself to being a failure, I focused on my goals at hand and sourced inspiration by watching a bunch of videos of people who came in with no CS degree.

If I was truly going to land my role as planned, the options were to either quit, or keep going. I've also written a blog post with 6 tips on how to make the most out of your interviews.

When you get to a point where you are able to bounce back from failure, you can then learn to be able to mend your relationship by embracing failure and welcoming it to teach you lessons - not only something that everyone does, but that it is a necessary path for you to grow and reach your full potential.

Fail early, fail often, fail forward

Will Smith has such an inspiring video where he says that successful people fail a lot, but they extract the lessons from the failure to come around to the next phase of success. Failure actually helps you to recognise the areas where you need to evolve.

So now we know that failure is not only necessary but its beneficial - how do we start the journey to overcome our fear of failure?

What you can do right now

1. Remember that social media shows the highlight reels. We all know it, but sometimes in the moment when I'm doom scrolling on social media and in particular with LinkedIn, I feel bombarded reading about how everyone's lives seems to be doing so well.
   
   When I saw people landing their roles, it made me question if I was good enough. The reality is that most people fail a bunch of interviews before they land their first roles.
   
   In 2020, my friend got two amazing offers to pursue a technical role. I was so happy for her and it was inspiring for me to see as she was so talented. She reminded me that she failed interviews at the top companies before she got these two great job offers.
   
   I kind of shrugged off that she failed so much because who cares now that she's in such a great position. And I realised that for others, I could focus on their wins and not on their losses, but for myself, I focused so much on my losses rather than my wins.
2. Document your wins. Sometimes, we are more likely to define ourselves based on the times we failed rather than the times we won. It can be so easy to forget the little wins, but it really helped me out to create a wins tracker. I got the idea from attending a Confident and Killing it workshop, where the founder Tiwalola showed us the template that she created called the monthly wins tracker.
   
   When I was having my low days, where I questioned all my abilities and felt like I haven't done much, I would look back at my wins tracker which told me otherwise! I still do it to this day, and it makes such a difference.
3. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Sometimes we can't necessarily get rid of that feeling of fear. I've heard people say that when you feel fear, it's the same feeling as excitement and to reframe your mind to see it as you being excited (sometimes this works for me, but also a lot of the time it doesn't).
   
   People don't necessarily think that every time I post on LinkedIn that I'm always so scared. I start thinking about what if people think this is cringe, or what if they don't like the message, what if people judge me because I'm THAT person who is active on LinkedIn.
   
   However, despite that, I continue to post anyway. It makes a huge difference when people go out of their way to comment or message me about the content I've been creating, and I add all that feedback to my monthly wins!
4. Don't feed the critic. Our inner critic can tell us that we can't, that we're not good enough, and that the worst-case scenario will happen.
   
   It look me a long time to actively become aware of this and to challenge those thoughts. Looking at my wins, starting to consider the best case scenario, getting therapy, reading, and reaching out to people have all helped with dealing with those thoughts.
   
   Please remember, that it this takes time, and to give yourself some grace knowing that we are all a work in progress.
5. Know your strengths. When we are so afraid of failure, we are convinced that our weaknesses outweigh our strengths.
   
   Confidence comes from knowing who you are and especially what your strengths are. This involves quite a bit of self-awareness, but explore what your strengths are, and also ask other people who you spend the most time with what they think your strengths are.
   
   When you focus on your strengths it is much easier to have faith in yourself.

Now you've finished reading this, I'd love to know what you'll do differently the next time you fail.

How long should it take to land your first software developer role?

Hands down my most common question asked are how long should it take to land your first software developer/engineer role and how long my coding journey was until I landed my first role.

Trust me I get it, when I was learning how to code, I was eager to land a full-time role and became hooked on reading all about various people's journeys and how they landed their first role. I was probably on No CS Degree every other day reading about their stories to keep me going while on my journey.

Let's be frank

I'm probably not the best person to ask about how long it took me in particular because I was applying in the midst of the global pandemic! In 2020, so many graduate schemes went on a hiring freeze and the job market was looking so bleak.

I remember applying for roles and places were being flooded with applicants - it was a very competitive time. Now that the market is looking so much better *hopefully* you may not have to deal with having such high competition.

Plus, I started my journey in 2018 and landed my first role in 2021, no one seems to want to hear it took around 3 years from start to finish. I didn't want to hear it either - I wanted to know how to land my role in 3 months, not years!

The answer you don't want to hear

The real answer is that it depends. I have met people who have landed their first roles after 3 months, some like me, it took years.

It depends on so many factors:

• How much time are you able to put into learning how to code?
• What pathway are you taking to learn how to code: self-taught, bootcamp, degree, apprenticeship
• Are you practicing, building projects and learning from your mistakes?
• Do you have a plan when it comes to the job application process?
• Have you been practicing doing some technical tests/ coding challenges?

Great learning pathways to speed up the process

If you want to learn how to code AND have a job by the end, these are some FREE schemes that I've heard great things from:

• Makers apprenticeships - this is an 18 month apprenticeship for those without a Computer Science degree and they pay you while they train you. Last time I checked, if you land a place, you are paid £25,000 during the 3 month bootcamp and then at least £30,000 for the role
• Code First Girls Nanodegree - a 13 week part-time course Monday-Thursday for women looking to land their first role in tech. There is the data, software and full-stack pathways and you apply through their partner companies. Below is a success story of going through the nanodegree with Code First Girls!
  
  
  
• Generation UK - they have various different free bootcamps in Data Engineering, Software Engineer, and AWS re/Start. All of the bootcamps vary in length, and they are typically full-time bootcamps running from 9am-5pm.

Make the most out of your interviews

I have a whole blog post on this where I share 6 tips on how to land the most out of your interviews and would highly recommend reading it here.

Final thoughts

This was a long-winded way of saying - it takes as long as it takes. Stay coding, stay curious, take breaks and you'll land the role in time, even if it's later than you wanted!

Failing interviews: 6 tips on how to make the most out of them

Let's be real - I have had interviews that have gone terribly, so much so that when I think back to them, I still cringe. But I have also had interviews that went so well that I surprised myself.

In 2020, when it felt like rejection was the norm, I had a change in how I perceived rejection. It took a toll, I started to question my abilities, if I was good enough and maybe I should look into non-tech roles. The imposter syndrome was very real, and I was lacking any hope.

I decided to go to a lot of self-development sessions, started reading again, and spoke to people who gave me great advice. I've always had big dreams and ambitions, and was determined to make it happen for myself.

That's when I decided to look at interviews as a great learning opportunity that can point me in the right direction in terms of key skills I needed to know, understanding the interview process, and areas I needed to improve in.

So here is a guide on how to do exactly that! So in no particular order:

1. Make sure that you know what type of interview you are doing so you can be as prepared as possible.
   
   I had a first stage interview at a company for a software engineer role where I thought it would be a more getting to me and I prepared everything I knew about the company.
   
   Can you imagine my absolute shock when the interview happens, they ask me one question about myself and then proceed to tell me that it's a technical interview and I'll be doing a coding task.
   
   I was so shook and unprepared - I felt so put on the spot and my head was spinning. It was my first front end interview, and it simply did not go well.
   
   This is actually the interview that I still cringe at to this day. But it was a great learning lesson into how front end interviews go and what I needed to learn in order to succeed in my future interviews.
   
   
2. Document the questions you are being asked. I learnt to do this from my friend, we were both applying for roles and I was asking her about her strategy and she said she writes down all the questions to every interview that she has.
   
   I was so impressed and inspired by that, so from that conversation and onwards, I started to write down the questions I was being asked so I was extra prepared to answer them in the event a similar question came up.
   
   When I was learning how to code, I didn't know the importance of knowing certain topics and the terminal really scared me - let alone learning how to properly use git.
   
   There was one interview where the interviewer asked me to list git commands, and I didn't have a clue. I had to swallow my pride and admit I didn't know - how could I possibly make up git commands. She was really understanding, and said it was okay as they knew I didn't have a technical backgroud which put me at ease.
   
   After the interview, I learnt all about the terminal - and a few weeks later I got accepted onto the Sky Get into Tech scheme were we covered git and felt confident using it. I sought out a mentor to help guide me on the areas to focus on to help land me that first technical role.
   
   
3. Have questions prepared to ask at the end of the interview. I truly believe that interviews are a two way kind of deal, and that you should make sure the company you are interviewing at is a great match for you.
   
   Some of my favourite questions to ask are:
   - Is there anything you think I could answer more clearly? (This used to be the first question I would ask when it came to it being my time to ask questions. It's a great opportunity to get a better chance of passing the interview round and to get feedback on how you did)
   - What projects have you been working on and what did you enjoy about working on that?
   - What does career development look like and how does it work?
   - How would you describe the culture at the company?
   - What skills are needed to succeed in this role?
   - What are the best and worst things about working at this company?
   
   
4. Make sure you do your research about both the company and the role.
   
   Back in 2019 I was doing an internship at a marketing tech (they call it martech) company and I was tasked with shortlisting my replacement as I was going back to university.
   
   This was a great experience as I finally understood what interviwers were looking for. So many interviews I felt like candidates did not come prepared as they didn't know much about the company and answers to their questions didn't match the job role.
   
   When you have an interview, make sure you are aligning your current skills and interests to the job role.
   
   
5. Use websites like Glassdoor to learn more about the kind of questions that are most likely to be asked in the interview you're going for.
   
   If you search for a company on Glassdoor, they have a section where people review the interview process that they had with the company and it's very insightful.
   
   In some cases, depending on the size of the company, they may not have many reviews on Glassdoor. This is when its best to google typical interview questions for the role, or even reach out to people from the company expressing your interest for the role and asking for advice on how you can prepare for the interview.
   
   
6. Create a brag list. When interviewing, it can be easy to forget to mention all the incredible things you have been doing.
   
   I created a document where I document most of my wins and organise it by month.
   
   Before an interview, I would always look over my LinkedIn to remind myself what I've been doing and to make sure I speak about it during the interview.

If you found this helpful - do let me know! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this and what you would add to the list.

How to seamlessly transition from coding fundamentals to technical tests

When teaching with Code First Girls, I was so eager to get students from learning concepts like array methods to getting stuck in with doing coding challenges on Code Wars.

Back in 2018 when first learning how to code, I had no clue about technical tests. I figured that I could demonstrate my passion for learning and learn everything I needed to know on the job. You can read more about my journey here.

Unfortunately, that's not the case, and it's pretty much guaranteed that if you're looking for a Sofware Engineer role, you'll do some form of technical test.

One of the most difficult things for self-learners is how to go from covering the fundamentals to applying that knowledge when solving technical challenges.

Covering the fundamentals

Before you start technical tests, you should have ideally covered: variables, data types (string, number, boolean, array, object), arithmetic operators, comparison operators, logical operators, and functions.

There are so many resources to do this, with my all-time favourite being Codecademy! I see freecodecamp being recommended a lot, I've used some great Udemy courses and there is a tonne of YouTube videos on it too.

Make sure you actually get coding along! It's so easy to sit down and watch a video, I'd advise you to code with the instructor to maximise your learning.

Getting started with Code Wars

I'd highly recommend using Code Wars when first starting out. It's a website that has various different coding challenges called katas. They are ranked by how difficult they are and you can complete them in a variety of different languages. It goes from 8 kyu (the lowest - so these are the ones for beginners) to 1 kyu which is advanced.

Michaela from the Sky Get into Tech scheme shared with us a great resource to work our way up in the ranks here.

When you sign up, you pick the language that you want to code in. You are then presented with this mini coding problem:

The initiation challenge to be able to sign up to Code Wars. I promise it is not as intimidating as it may look! This one is in JavaScript.

Once you pass that, you'll finally be able to sign up and you'll have access to all the katas! Go on the sidebar at the left and click on Practice, and you can filter it by difficulty. If you are new to this, I'd recommend that you filter it to only be able to see the 8 kyu challenge.

Your first kata

Ok so, when doing this alone when first starting out, I was pretty overwhelmed by it all. I was even shook at the initiation question, let alone actually doing my first kata.

The first hurdle you may have to overcome is that imposter syndrome where you may feel like you don't know how to apply your knowledge of the fundamentals into real problem-solving. But I promise, you can, and you will get better with time as long as you practice.

I would recommend doing the Convert Number to a String challenge if it's your first one!

Once you pass all the tests for that challenge, you can submit it (by clicking on the submit button at the bottom right) and you'll be taken to a page where you can see answers that other people have submitted!

It's great to see how other people break down their problems for you to take inspiration from and look into.

*I'm tempted to make a video about this, so if you happen to be reading this and think I should - let me know!*

Using google to help

Again, when I was starting out, I literally used to google the kata questions because I wasn't sure about what I could search to help me out.

Fortunately, with the help of codebar and going to the Maker's Code Accelerator events - I actually learned how!

Let's use our first kata as an example, the challenge was to convert a number to a string. From learning our fundamentals, we know there are number methods that help you work with numbers.

Rather than to google 'how to convert number to string {chosen programming language}', you could google 'number methods {chosen programming language}'.

I did that for JavaScript and I got the method I needed in w3schools. I would advise that you use the proper docs for your programming language of choice. MDN Docs is widely used for JavaScript and Python docs if you're using Python.

Learning how to problem solve

This also took me a while to get into the swing of things. When I was learning Ruby (that's a whole story within itself), I went to the Makers Code Accelerator events where they showed us how they broke down problems.

First, we made sure to read the whole question and understand what it wanted to do. From this, we would make a step-by-step plan on what methods we may know that could help us solve this problem and break that down into steps by writing in pseudo-code. I liked this because we considered how we would do this as humans and then translated that into code to solve the problem.

Kim Diep has created a great blog post about pseudo code called Your 10-Minute Guide to Pseudocoding.

What helped me was pairing with people at the Makers event and speaking through the problem. I became good friends with someone I met at that event and she helped out so much - she was pretty free and we agreed to meet Monday-Friday 9-12 to pair on Code Wars challenges together.

I was fortunate enough that she was better than me, so she walked me through her thought process and how she would come up with solutions. Sometimes I would know how to solve the problem, but not necessarily know how how to produce the code to make it all happen.

I cannot emphasise this enough: it takes time and practice. So many times I thought I'm never going to get it, and maybe this coding thing isn't for me. But I improved more and more as the weeks went on, and it was great to have an accountability partner to work on it with too. I think we did it for around 6-8 weeks and it was great fun and put me in a great position to start applying for jobs and finally being able to do their technical tests that were similar to the Code Wars katas!

Well that's a wrap! Thank you for reading, and I'd love to know your thoughts on this - anything that you would add?